Black-A Day late and several dollars short

Black-

Yesterday was the 22nd anniversary of my mother passing.  I start this blog this way not to ask for pity, but a simple statement of fact.  I'm not a fan of posts bringing light to difficult circumstances as they are often simply cries for attention.  However it weighed on my heart so I felt the need to share a bit of myself.  Yesterday was a marker of sorts for me...I've now spent twice as much time here on earth without my mom as I had with her.  This fact is a realization of sorts for me of a notion I'm coming to realize more and more each passing year:  I don't really know who my mom was.  Please understand me.  I loved my mom, and I remember my mom and all her greatest qualities, how overprotective she was of me, how supportive she was of me, all realizations most 11 year olds have of their moms.  But as God forms me into the man he wants me to become, I'm realizing there was so much more to the woman who brought me into this world, none of which I get to experience or learn from her first hand.  I still hear stories about her, some I remember, some were far before my time.  Each story I identify with, and each story proves I am cut from the very same cloth.  However what I miss most is hearing HER perspective on these things.  Gaining benefit from HER wisdom!  Many of you know I was born in upstate New York.  Most of you probably have no idea why.  I have no family connections in the Northeast, there were no job opportunities there.  I was born in Ithaca New York because of the simple fact that God said go, and my parents listened.  My parents had little to no support in this decision.  In many cases (which have no place in this blog) they were ridiculed and mocked.  Yet my parents sold everything they had except their clothes and a car to drive there, and went.  No jobs, no house, little provision, leaving family, familiarity, comfort, and support and they went.  My mother paid for that decision for many years.  Some of the people closest to my parents were hurt by this seeming disregard for their wishes, and at times lashed out at her.  I know this cut very deep, but my mom's convictions never faltered.  A few days before she died she shared with me the source of this conviction, while not specifically citing these issues, she shared with me the "secret" behind her walk with God:

Acts 4:13

New International Version (NIV)

¹³ When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.


This has become my life verse.  I want to be so intimate with Jesus that it flows into those around me!  I had 11 short years with my mom, but they shaped the man I've become.  Not just because I was born to an extraordinary set of parents, but because 5 years previous to my mothers death, I was reborn into the Body of Christ.  That's right...April 23rd, 1986 was the day I gave my life to Christ, and April 23rd, 1991 was the day my mother received her eternal reward for leading me there.  What a glorious day of celebration I had yesterday, spending the day with my 2 boys that I now have the privilege of extending this legacy of faith to, then going to see their new cousin who was born on this significant day!

Another realization has swept over me.  How many of us are comfortable in our walks with Christ.  I know a lot of stories about my mom, and I experienced a lot of things with her.  Now those are simply memories.  I have no way to experience her love, grace, and encouragement.  One of my favorite stories is from a football game when I was in the 6th grade.  We were playing Sperry (the only team we could beat) and I caught 2 touchdown passes in the game.  Now please understand my mother was morbidly obese, through no fault of her own, but she was a big lady, and the game was being filmed by another mother, and when I caught that second pass (which was a pretty fantastic catch by the say...the corner tipped it and somehow I still caught it...but I digress)  the camera started shaking and all you could hear was this shreaking noise...after I make it into the end zone and hand the ball to the ref the camera whips around to my mom who is giving everyone around her whiplash because she is jumping up and down on the rickety metal bleachers!  I miss that...and I know, many of you would be quick to remind me that she is up in heaven cheering me and Titus, and Isaac along...but that's not nearly as comforting as seeing her in the stands.  I have no choice in this matter.  She's gone from this temporal earth, to be present with the Father...the Father...why are we so quick to forget about Him?  The One who is constantly pursuing us, constantly encouraging us by His Holy Spirit, constantly and over abundantly forgiving us...why do I sometimes have this same relationship with the Father that I have with my mom?  This is my choice.  His voice seems so distant sometimes...not because He IS distant, but because I've distanced myself from Him.  All of these fantastic memories of committment, love, grace, and forgiveness I have of my mom PALE in comparison to the grace offerings our Father has in store for us!  What was special about my mother?  nothing...aside from the Father!  May we always ever be reminded of who we are in Christ.

Matthew 6:33

New International Version (NIV)

³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Colossians 3:1-4

New International Version (NIV)

3 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. ² Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³ For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. ⁴ When Christ, who is your^[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
I would not be who I am without the influence of my mom...but more importantly I would be nowhere near who I need to be without the Father.  I miss her, I miss being able to be advised by her wisdom.  But I know the source of her wisdom and strength and take comfort that I am led by the same source!  Praise be to God for His provisions of grace and continual comfort!

I would like to ask a special favor...if you've read this and knew my mom, please send me stories...I would like to put a collection together for my boys...but I also would enjoy hearing stories I perhaps hadn't heard before!  Thanks in advance!

Red...Yes I'm weighing in on this issue too!

Red...Yes I'm weighing on on the issues at hand!

Let me start with the following rant:  Christians shame on you!  You have fallen for the oldest trick in the enemy's arsenal!  The old bait and switch! (Please re-read Genesis 3 for reference if you haven't already)  The enemy (satan) has chosen the holiest of celebrations, a week of remembrance of the most powerful (and dare I say foundational) event in history, to pick a topic that we moral/social conservatives get our panties in a bunch about to distract us from a time that we could and should be praising God for!

Please don't misread this;  To all of my friends out there who are proponents of same sex marriage, I am in no way trying to vilify you!  Quite the contrary:

Ephesians 6:10-13

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

In browsing my social media feeds this morning I found 22 references to the same sex marriage issue from people I feel would consider themselves to be Christians.  In that same span I saw 7 references reminding folks of the season it is, of the fact that there is a Savior who cherishes all mankind enough to send His prized possession to die a horrifying death upon a cross!  My friends this should not be!  

I am not saying we should take a "stick your head in the sand" approach to the issues our society is currently facing, but I AM saying we should go about that approach Biblically, and being led by the Holy Spirit of God, and not being led by our emotional human sensibilities.  Consider this passage as we examine God's standards for dealing with this issue:

Colossians 3:1-17

New International Version (NIV)

3 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. ² Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³ For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. ⁴ When Christ, who is your^[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

⁵ Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. ⁶ Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.^{[b] 7} You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. ⁸ But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. ⁹ Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices ¹⁰ and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. ¹¹ Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
¹² Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.


What do we see in this passage?  First it is a call to the placement of our focus, both of our hearts first, and then of our minds.  It is to focus our whole beings on Christ "who is your life" (vs 4) and not on earthly squabbles and arguments.  Then Paul shows us what this looks like; and this my friends is where you need to hang with me!  Paul says put to death the fruits of the world, which include sexual immorality, impurity, lust, etc...which is where far too many of my friends seem to stop reading...because it's convenient...He goes on to say "But NOW you must also rid yourselves of...anger, rage, malice, slander, etc..." (vs 8 emphasis mine)  Uh oh... some of us are in trouble now!  He goes on to say we are to cover ourselves ("clothe ourselves") "with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience" (vs 12)  I'm finding far too much inflammatory fodder from Christians being lobbed at proponents of same sex marriage. 

So what can we take away from this?  I have a facebook friend who posted today that he was tired of Christians being "lukewarm" and we must pick a side...God's grace is not divisive.  In fact, His love brings about unity.  Should we stand for truth?  Yes!  Should we rightly glean this truth from Scripture?  Absolutely!  Should we use the truth of Scripture to badger, tear down, and humiliate anyone who has an oppositional view on a social/moral issue?  NEVER!  Please read Paul's writings to the Colossians again, it is a call to personal holiness.  What are my views on same sex marriage?  They are carried out in my marriage!  My life is the extension of my worldview.  I want everyone to come into contact with me and my wife to know the joys, the fulfillment that can be derived from marrying the helpmate that God set aside for me.  God, by the Holy Spirit led me to this truth.  We are not the Holy Spirit.  We need to focus ourselves on the Holy Father above, and focus our wills to be submissive and obedient to His Will in order for change to be evident in this fallen world.  HE is our only chance.  I'm hoping we can come to the realization as Christians that starting social media debates on social hot button issues is a far less fruit bearing activity than loving the lost, building relationships with others, and pursuing holiness in our own lives.  My prayer for all of us is that we will become extravagant in our pursuit of God, and trust Him to redeem His fallen world, and restore His broken people.  For we are all in need of a Savior this very moment, take some time to thank God for what He has done for you this week, and thank Him for still being on His throne and in control!  I want to leave you with Paul's words:


¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Pink and Purple Valentines Day edition

Pink and Purple

As Valentine's day approaches, I see students searching for 2 things:  Some one to spend that day with, or a way to break up with their honey's so they don't have to shell out the major cash on that totally commercialized, totally frivolous holiday.  Now before you start hating on me please understand, I WILL be buying my wife something!  I'm not a complete reject of a romanticized husband!  I don't, however, think that whatever I get, or do for my wife on February 14th has any bearing on the intimacy level of our marriage.  Let me explain to you why this is:

A while ago, long before I ever met my wife I made a decision.  I had had several failed relationships end ugly, mostly because I was immature to an exponential level.  I became frustrated, and disenchanted by my pursuit of a wife.  You see I had a vision of what God was going to give me for a wife.  I went as far as to make a laundry list of the characteristics I was expecting from my future mate.  (I know, I know...here's my man card, that's such a chick thing to do.)  My dating habits were controlled by these variables, and I dated some fantastic young ladies.  I dated a college varsity tennis player (athletic) who was the youth intern at her church (youth ministry minded).  I dated a missionary who had just spent 2 years overseas serving God in Germany, who also was a former Praise Team member at Falls Creek (music ministry minded).  I dated just about everything in between, and yet I couldn't force myself to love any of these fantastic women!  I wanted to know what was wrong with them...and or me!  It was then I recalled a conversation I had with one Julie Johnson.  She had been the first in the string of unsuccessful relationships, and still one of my good friends.  She made a statement in the phone conversation we had when I was breaking up with her.  She said "you've got a hole in your heart, and you are trying to stuff me into it.  Until you've fixed that hole, nobody will ever be enough for you, and you will keep shoving things in there and hurt both of you."  She was a 17 year old senior in high school, and was speaking wisdom into my life like few others have...and she was right.  Unfortunately I was far too hard headed to listen.  So I finally took her advice and set out to fix the hole, so I turned to Scripture.  I scoured the Bible, reading EVERY verse and passage that mentioned love.  I desperately wanted to know what God's standard was for me!  It was through that study that God astounded me.  I realized God never SAID "I love you".  But I found passages like this:

Romans 5:8

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

 

Deuteronomy 6:5

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

 

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

 

Galatians 2:20

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

 

Ephesians 5:1-2

5 ¹ Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children ² and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

 

 1 John 3:16, 18

¹⁶ This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.

¹⁸ Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

 

Do you see it?  To quote my teen idols DC Talk "Luv is a Verb"  I had been talking the talk for a very long time.  Long enough to be pretty smooth.  Long enough to get some great women to fall for me even though I had invested very little of myself into that relationship.  I knew that had to change.  That was when a challenge came about.  I challenged my students at the time in the youth ministry of Addington Baptist Church to commit with me to NEVER say "I Love You" to a person of the opposite sex until somebody was down on one knee.  That seems like a silly thing.  But I was convinced that this was God's standard.  God's love is demonstrative, not passive.  His love is active and true, not frivolous and temporary.  From that point on I committed to love my future mate before I met them.  Now, before some of you turn me off because I'm getting a little too Josh McDowell on you hear me out!  I did date other girls before I met Lindsey.  I was very upfront about my commitment.  The cool thing about it was I knew with Lindsey.  God set inside the freedom to tell her something at the outset of our dating relationship.  I had told each girl I had dated between the time of my commitment and the time I met Lindsey that I would not be telling them I loved them until I had a ring in my pocket, but God led me to add something when I had this conversation with Lindsey.  I told her: "I will not tell you I love you until I have a ring in my pocket, because I want you to know I love you long before I have to say it.  That's exactly how it played out.  I was in the youth room washing her feet as a part of my discipleship lesson, and after I had washed her feet I prayed for her, and after I said I amen, I looked up and said "I Love You" and handed her a ring.  She didn't know the engagement was coming, but she KNEW I loved her.

 

I don't have this whole marriage thing figured out.  I'm not as romantic as I probably should be (read as romantic as my wife wishes I were).  But I hope that my intentional love for my wife and my boys is evident.  Not so that I can feel good as a husband and father, but because that is the standard I've been called to!  Love is a decision we make each moment of each day.  It doesn't just happen, that's emotion (if your a teenager it's even more hormones), it's conscientious. I challenge anyone who is still searching, or has had failed relationships in the past, try my little challenge out!  You may be surprised the results!  And let us love one another as Christ first loved us!

Red:

I'm finding myself...frustrated.  2012 was a strange year for me.  A peculiar period in my life.  Things didn't exactly happen the way I thought they would this time last year, but I have to say God is in control.  It was a year of the strangest election I can remember since Michael Dukakis climbed into a tank.  I saw my first born grow like a weed.  I saw my ministry take some strange turns.  I saw my world a little differently.  As I grow and mature in Christ I'm finding out things aren't exactly the way I grew up thinking they were.  I grew up in a very open minded very inclusive (you can read very liberal if you would like) family.  I remember telling my dad I would've voted for Jesse Jackson in the 1988 election...I remember whining because Alf got preempted by my dad watching the "Demorats" (yes that's what I called them then, because I loved Alf so!).  My personal beliefs have strayed somewhat from those of my upbringing.  But that is not what I want to write about today.  Today is about an idea, a concept that has pervaded both sides of the political aisle.  It has saturated our social senses.  It is as common as an order of french fries to accompany your favorite fast food burger.  It is on single word: Tolerance.

Political correctness not withstanding, this word and this concept puzzle me.  Think about it.  What has this come to mean?  Acceptance? Compassion? Kindness?  Mercy?  Favor?  Respect?  Those who preach tolerance from their public pulpits would like you to think so.  But is that really what is being taught?  Are those who preach and scream for tolerance really practicing what they preach?  I could name any number of situations that have become national news that have been probed, and prodded, and manipulated by the pundits begging for tolerance.  Chick-fil-a, Louie Giglio, Hobby Lobby, just to name a few current events that are spattered all over our conscience...but is tolerance really the goal?  Are we called to be tolerant of others?  To coin a phrase not uttered by me since 1993...What Would Jesus Do?

Before I attempt to address that question I want to delve into the heart of tolerance.  Pragmatically is this really a term that we should strive for?  As a youth pastor there is a specific group of students that cause me problems EVERY YEAR.  There are always great kids in this group, but is seems their filters, and their common sense simply turns off for an entire year...yeah...you other youth pastors are currently saying their names right now....it's 7th grade girls!  I don't know if it's the hormones, the chemical changes in their brains, the crazy changes happening in their bodies, the onset of puberty, the reality of boys becoming a desirable commodity, or a dangerous elixir of all of these rolled into one.  But 7th grade girls are extremely difficult to deal with.  It's constant bickering, "she said this, but she's my best friend, but I hate her, now she's my best friend, but then she dated my ex boyfriend so I hate her now too"... I could go on, but alas, I believe you have the idea.  Once they hit the 8th grade most things seem to balance out...there is of course occasional drama after the 7th grade but it seems they get most of it out of their systems while in the 7th grade.  I TOLERATE 7th grade girls.  I tolerate them because I have enough experience to know that in a short while, they will be 8th grade girls!  Now please don't take this wrong!  I love all of the kids in my ministry, but anybody who has ever dealt with junior high kids know what I'm talking about here...Now with that stated, I return to my previously stated question: Is tolerance really what we should strive for?  Is this really a worthy aim for our society.  I look at groups who are clammering for tolerance, and I wonder if they would be happy with society simply tolerating them?  I don't think that is good enough!  I have a specific example that is weighing on my heart.  I have a student in my ministry who has been dealing with same sex attraction.  I have tried to meet with him regularly, I have always spoken with him honestly and openly.  I have never condemned his feeling the way he does, nor have I shaken my Bible at him and called him a sinner.  He knows what the Bible teaches on the topic, and he has been a active member of our youth group for some time now.  I have copied and pasted an excerpt from a facebook post he recently posted on a picture of some cross dressers, that really broke my heart:

"Let me just say, I love these people, they have tought me one thing, and that is being me and not giving a flying **** of what my sexuality is. I would do anything for any of em'. To be honest if it wasn't for them, I would still be hiding and playing the whole christain act. I'm sorry but this is who I am. I respect these people so much and I couldn't love them more. If you have any kind of problem of me being Gay and them being who they are, **** off. Ain't nobody got time for that. Thank you guys for showing me it's ok to be yourself and love the same sex. I love you guys."

Does this look like someone who is looking for tolerance?  I have "tolerated" him, and his struggles for almost 2 years now.  I am just now realizing that my tolerance was a sorry surrogate for love.  I got frustrated by him, and even (this pains me to admit) avoided him for certain time periods because I didn't want to deal with the drama.  I was one of the most tolerant people to this young man, and I was even told this by another youth pastor who saw my interactions with this student.  But it wasn't enough.  He wasn't looking for tolerance.  He was looking for what we all look for.  Love.  Agape.  Never ending.  Love goes so far beyond tolerance.  It reaches through the muck of human relationships and reveals a more intimate bond.  Look at Jesus' reaction to a similar situation:

John 8:2-11

New International Version (NIV)

² At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. ³ The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group ⁴ and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. ⁵ In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” ⁶ They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. ⁷ When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” ⁸ Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
⁹ At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. ¹⁰ Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
¹¹ “No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

Now there is a very important caveat I must make.  Do you see Jesus' final statement?  That is a command, not a suggestion, but look; He met the woman in the midst of her sin and rebellion, stood up for her, and her rights, and her value.  He built a relationship with her and THEN He was able to show her a better way.  I will stand upon Biblical mandates until the day that I die.  But I will NOT push others away in the name of my own self righteousness anymore!  We love to talk about God's grace and mercy when it deals with our sin, but when we start talking about others lives, God's righteousness, and justice seems to be our favorite topic.  It is time we stop being tolerant Christians, because we are called to be MUCH, MUCH more than tolerant!  We are called to a higher standard!

I will leave you with the words of John: I couldn't sum it up better:

1 John 1:5-10

New International Version (NIV)

⁵ This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. ⁶ If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. ⁷ But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all^[a] sin.
⁸ If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. ⁹ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. ¹⁰ If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.

1 John 3:1-10

New International Version (NIV)

3 See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. ² Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears,^[a] we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. ³ All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure.

⁴ Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. ⁵ But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin. ⁶ No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.
⁷ Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. The one who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous. ⁸ The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work. ⁹ No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. ¹⁰ This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister.
 So we must be in the light as He is in the light, and we must enter into the world without condemnation, or preconception and love with the love the Father has lavished upon us!

Let's be real about Newtown

Brown-

Living in a now world, I'm amazed at the immediacy that we constantly overreact to certain situations, and almost as immediately dismiss them...(wait for the next impending doom/tragedy that catches the media's fancy)  Now before you decide to run me out of town/string me up/flog me, please understand, I DO see the need to show empathy for the community of Newtown, and the families who have been forever changed by the happenings of the past week.  However, I do not see the need to over examine/over expose the events surrounding this tragedy to myself, or my family.  Let me explain why:  Our horror, shock, disdain for what has happened will be short lived.  We will be distracted by the immediate needs of our own life, and community at some point in the near future, and naturally those immediate needs that affect us will supercede the long term needs that this community is facing.

Let me share with you from personal experience how this will go down:  Most of you reading this know my story, but a few may not so let me share.  When I was 11 years old my mother passed away suddenly, from complications of numerous health issues.  I lived in a small town called Nowata, the entire community rallied around myself and my father.  My dad was very involved in the community, as one of the only attorney's in town.  The teachers at the school made dinner for us for MONTHS, there was a group of kids who took my bike (which had been stolen and stripped and did not work well) and got it fixed...For weeks everyone I saw told me how sorry they were for me, and how they were praying for me.  It was awful...I had to relive the horror of the reality of facing the rest of my life without the love of my life as an 11 year old 6th grader with every conversation I had.  Now these folks were all well meaning, and please don't think I'm not grateful, I appreciated the sentiment of their well wishes...but I was broken.  What's worse, about a month after, everyone went back to their regular lives.  The teachers went back to giving me detention, that group of guys that fixed my bike went back to bullying me and calling me names, and those well wishers went back to their own lives.  There was one BIG problem:  I still didn't have a mom, and I was still broken. 

There was a family however that recognized this fact.  It was the family of my best friend at the time Kurtis Sears.  Now, our families were total opposites.  I'm a city boy, my dad and I would go hunt quail every now and then, but the Sears'  well...I had fresh (and I mean scrape the film of the top fresh) milk with my cereal when I would stay the night.  We would have pig rodeos at their house...at my house we played basketball on my half court in my back yard (which took up almost the ENTIRE back yard.  The Sears' had acres to go run around on.  Yet when I was there the pain seemed diminished.  The fact that I still didn't have a mom didn't change, but they made the necessary investments in my life to help me move through it!  (because you never get over it)  I am still very grateful to Dwight and especially Susan Sears.  She became my first surrogate mom.  I had an entire row at my wedding right next my family reserved for my Surrogate moms, like Pam Landrum, Barbara Billingsley, Rhonda Cox...all ladies who took the time to invest their love and support into me, in a way that was meaningful, and at times costly (both in time and money!).

I say all that to say this:  If you're not going to be willing to make the long term investments in the lives of the families of Newtown CT. to help them move through this tragedy, don't waste your time with ancillary shows of support such as vague fb posts, or I even saw a t-shirt company I used to buy from for my youth groups is doing a fund raiser selling Newtown CT. shirts....All of these superficial shows of support WILL make YOU feel better, but will do very little to help the ACTUAL victims who have been marred by this tragedy. 

I do have a proposition.  there are hundreds, and thousands of people, who need support, who need love, who need discipleship.  How about instead of focusing our attention on a community that is so far away that we can't do any REAL good for, how about we focus on the hurting, the mourning, the troubled here in our own communities.  Take this tragedy and turn it into motivation to invest in the lives of kids here where God has planted you.  26 families have been forever changed, and that is tragic, but what is more tragic is that so many of us ignore the millions of families elsewhere who are in need of some surrogate moms, and surrogate dads, and brothers, and sisters.  Let us not work in vain, but let us advance the Kingdom of Heaven for His names sake!

1 Corinthians 15:54b-58

New International Version (NIV)

^54b then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

⁵⁵ “Where, O death, is your victory?
    Where, O death, is your sting?”

⁵⁶ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. ⁵⁷ But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

⁵⁸ Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Blue-Fatherhood

Blue-

This is my first real blog so forgive any newb mistakes!  I've found myself needing an outlet for everything God is doing in and through me, and many men wiser than me have found it therapeutic to write, so I figured why not me!  As a self proclaiming math nerd I must admit this is a scary proposition!  I paid English majors to proof my Civ papers because...well...I could!  The results were always far better than if I had just gone with it!  So here you will find occasional thoughts and dilemmas, and even a rant here and there!  I hope you enjoy, and as always, feel free to express your views, and thoughts as they are always welcome!

The thought hit me like a ton of bricks!  I am soon to be a dad to another soul!  This guy right here currently has my heart, but my wife (Lindsey from here on out) and I were discussing the other day the likelihood of having a VERY different experience with the next little guy God is blessing us with!  Now, my son (Titus if you didn't know) is almost 2, and he has begun to push things.  Lindsey and I have always been united in our view of discipline.  This view seems to disturb many, especially several members of my family.  Even to the point that some members of my family have even requested that I revisit the idea of spanking my son.  Now hear me out:  I do not believe in beating any being for no apparent reason.  I DO believe that a varied, and appropriate response to certain behaviors must be taken.  I also acknowledge that different people respond differently to different disciplines.  I also believe (and teach and preach as often as people will listen) that positive reinforcement is just as vital an aspect of discipline as instilling repercussions for negative behavior and actions.  As a matter of fact I try to praise my son far MORE than I chastise him, as I want him to understand what behaviors and actions are appropriate, and encouraged more than I want him to constantly be pushing the boundaries to find out what he can get away with.

As I was revisiting this concept in my head, God (as He often does) tapped on my hearts door with a truth.  What would our churches, and our individual lives look like if we truly understood God's desire and discipline in our Relationship with Him.  I believe there is a very significant correlation, and a profound insight in God's choice to have us relate to Him as Abba Father.  Love is the motivation for discipline.  Wisdom is it's foundation.  God knows what lies down the road of both our positive AND our rebellious choices, and wants us to choose Him, because His desire if our ultimate good.  (Jeremiah 29:11)

I am reminded in my church, and in many of the churches I visit of some people I've come across in my life, whose rebellion has worn their parents down to the point that they just don't have the wherewithal to continue to attempt to direct their children in a manner that will keep them safe.  I feel for those parents, as they are not bad parents, they are not bad people, their kids are not even inherently "bad" they just don't listen.  In feeling sympathy for those parents my mind necessarily drifts back to Abba, Father.  How many of His children have responded the same way.  He speaks to them each day, each moment, and their response is normally: "whatever". 

You see I am attempting to raise my son in a manner that reflects my Abba, Father.  My earthly father did a great job of raising me amongst some horribly trying circumstances.  I thank Him for that, and I see His desire to honor God in how he raised me.  As I continue to grow and mature as a father, I want to reflect Jehovah in as many ways as possible.  So when I see my son approaching the Christmas tree with that look on his face that can only mean one thing, I am going to sternly warn him "don't touch that", I will praise him when he stops, and I will punish him when he breaks something.  I am thankful God continually disciplines me.  I hope I never get to the place where I "hear" my Father's voice, and ignore it to the point where He stops wasting His breath.  I think our homes, our lives, and our churches would look drastically different, if we understood what God is doing in our lives, in our hearts, and in His People from the perspective of a Loving Father.

Galatians 4:4-9

New International Version (NIV)

⁴ But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, ⁵ to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. ⁶ Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” ⁷ So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.

⁸ Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. ⁹ But now that you know God—or rather are known by God—how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable forces? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?